Tuesday, October 13, 2015

He Left Me Uninspired: A Dating Missadventure Circa 2012 or So ...

I dusted this one off for my friend's blog, Not Your Girlfriend. Check it out!


Reach for the moon. If you miss, at least you'll be among the stars."
 Um. What?

This was the text message I found after my phone wrenched me out of sleep. After I untangled myself from my sheets, and stumbled, confused, across my bedroom.

As I'd fumbled for my phone, I wondered what was wrong. Surely, if someone was texting me before 6:30 am, something must be gravely wrong.

But no. It was just an inspirational text. From a man I'd gone on a brief coffee date with the day before. I threw the phone down, disgusted, and went back to bed. 

The next morning, he did it again.

My phone chirped into the semi-darkness:

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery and today is a gift. That's why we call it the present."

Oh no. No no no no.

Later that day, the man texted me: "Did you get my morning texts?"

I texted back. "I did."

He cheerily replied, "I only send the most special people my happy wake-up texts! :) "

I wrote back to explain that I didn't wake up until 8, and that the wake-up texts were hard for a night owl like me. I was trying to put an end to them. But he asked me of he should start texting me at 8 instead.

"That's still a little early," I told him.

What I meant was, "Please don't send me inspirational wake-up texts."

So the next day, he waited till 8:15.

"It's not the number of breaths we take, but the number of moments that take our breath away."

Oh dear God.

The problem was, the next day was SATURDAY. He did it on Saturday too?! Like most people, Saturday was my day off. I hadn't planned to open my eyes till at least 10.
Needless to say, the Early Morning Inspirational Texter and I did not end up together. But hey, there's plenty of fish in the sea, so dance like no one is watching, and if at first you don't succeed...

Well, he probably knows the rest.

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