Life With My Husband

Billy: "Boy, I loooooove watching videos of animals falling asleep. There's one that's so funny. Have you seen it? It's one of those ... what are those animals you like? Lemurs?"

Me: "I like meerkats."

Billy: "Then what's a lemur?"

[ We Google "lemur." ]

Billy: Okay, then I was talking about meerkats.

[ Billy shows me this video ]



Billy and me: [ Fits of giggles. ]

Billy: I'm serious though, Google "Animals falling asleep. I've done it. It's the best!"

The First Dog I Ever Loved

This is a picture of Nookie, the first dog I ever loved, taken in 1975.

Nookie spent the first two years of her life as a guard dog at an auto body shop. This elegant and tender-hearted girl made a lousy guard dog (She loved to drink beer and was frequently found passed out drunk on the concrete floor). She went to live with my grandmother, and the two fell blissfully in love.

As you can see, Nookie was better suited for portrait sittings, evening strolls and belly rubs. I was smitten with her and pestered her endlessly, but she sweetly tolerated me and taught me how to love and respect animals. 💜💜

It made me so happy to find this photo at my parents' house today.

Moving Away From Animal Testing: A Cruelty-Free Morning Routine

 

Recently, I stepped up my efforts to create a cruelty-free home. I wanted to see if it was possible to switch all of my products to brands that don't test on animals.

I'm really excited to report that:

• It's easier than I thought it would be! I realized that there are plenty of cruelty-free products at normal stores that perform just as well as the products I used to buy.
• It's cheaper than I thought it would be.
  Some of my new favorite brands are saving me money.

I'd like to help you create a cruelty-free home, too. So, here's a blog about my new morning routine and the great products you can turn to. Next time, I'll post a cruelty-free cleaning routine.

But first, here's why you should care about animal testing:

• It's unnecessary.
  There are plenty of safe, cruelty-free brands that prove this.
• It inflicts unthinkable torture on animals -- even dogs and cats. Test animals are forced to live in cages. Chemicals are dripped into their eyes, injected into their bodies, or forced up their noses or down their throats. They suffer burns, infections, blindness, pain, and loneliness. Laws that protect pets do not apply to them -- although beloved breeds like Beagles are used for animal testing!

 

You don't have to take part in this. But unfortunately, if you're not paying attention, you probably are funding the cruelty, because the most popular brands tend to test on animals.

Make the switch.

Here's an easy and affordable cruelty-free morning.

NOTE: There are PLENTY more cruelty-free products on the market. If you download the free Cruelty Cutter app, you can scan products at the store to see whether or not their brand tests on animals. These are just the ones I've tested and recommended for you! If you have other recommendations, post them in the comments!


Shower

• Body Wash: Alba Botanica Very Emollient smells great and is super creamy for dry skin. If you like a bubbly lather better than a creamy mousse, try Jason brand. I like the apricot. You can get these at most grocery stores, Amazon, and sometimes TJ Maxx and Marshalls.
  
  
• Face: I love Alba Botanica's face washes. I'm using their Acnedote Deep Pore Wash, which is slightly minty and has a refreshing zing! It smells great.
  Update! I've had some break-outs since writing this blog, so I've sprung for Humane Benzoyl Peroxide 10% Acne Treatment, which is like an animal-friendly Proactiv.
  Also, my friend Amy sells Rodan and Fields, which is cruelty-free.
  
  
• Shampoo and Conditioner: My husband (who has amazing, luxurious, long curly hair) turned me on to sexyhair. Now we both have nice hair. :)  Sometimes, I like to switch to Bliss Supershine Shampoo because it smells delicious, like real lemons.
  UPDATE: I  started using Shea Moisture Curl & Shine and it is giving me seriously good hair days. 



• Shaving: Dollar Shave Club ships cruelty-free blades to my house every month, and they're WAY cheaper than the grocery store brands! Check them out by using my personal referral link, please! Blades start at $3 per month. I spring for the Executive blades, which are still cheap at $9 per month. They sell products like creams and gels, too.

Personal Care

• Deodorant: When it comes to deodorant, I'm also concerned about toxic ingredients. I like Crystal Essence brand because it's clear. Tom's of Maine has an antiperspirant and a deodorant that work for me, too. UPDATE: A friend who is an avid runner and attends spin classes recommends Schmidt's Naturals and says it keeps her dry! She likes the bergamot-lime scent.
  
  
• Toothpaste and Tooth Brush: I been using Tom's of Maine toothpaste for at least 15 years, and I've never had a single cavity. (I'll note here that Tom's is owned by Colgate, which does test on animals. As a consumer, I feel like I'm creating a market for cruelty-free by shopping Colgate's cruelty-free line, but you can decide how you feel about that.)
  Don't forget to make sure your toothbrush is cruelty-free, too. I like the Preserve toothbrush, which is made of recycled plastic and is available at Trader Joe's and some grocery stores.
  UPDATE: I started using Dr. Bronner's toothpaste instead of Tom's and I love it. Check it out here.
  
• Tampons: Natracare and Seventh Generation are great. I just learned about Lola, which ships cotton tampons to your house every month and doesn't use animal testing. I'm going to check them out!
  
  
• Lotions and Hand Cream: There are tons of options if you look. Right now I'm using Alba Botanica, and a great pomegranate body butter by Trader Joe's! They have lots of great cruelty-free products for your face, skin, and hair. I found a purse-sized bottle of Shea Moisture Brightening Body Lotion at Target. It's thick and creamy, has lots of organic ingredients (including mushroom extract!) and works great.
  
  
• Contact Lenses: I just ordered my first box of Clear Conscience contact solution. It has great reviews, so I have high hopes for it.
  UPDATE: Clear Conscience did not work well for me. But since then, I realized that Top Care, which is available at Giant Eagle, and Equate, available at Wal-Mart, make inexpensive and cruelty-free contact solutions!
  
  

Hair and Make-Up

• Styling Products: I use TRENDStarter styling paste. It's cheaper than the salon version and it works. TRENDStarter has lots of cruelty-free products.
  Update: Now I use Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie, available at Giant Eagle, Ulta, and TJ Maxx, because I want to avoid parabens. Check it out!
  
  
• Hairspray: Try TRENDStarter or splurge on the more expensive sexyhair.
  
  
• Face: ULTA's house brand doesn't test on animals! I've been using their foundation stick to cover under-eye circles.
  Update: I've been treating myself to nice powder and concealer from Younique, and I really like it. Check it out!
  
• Eyes: I've been using ULTA's house brand, especially the eyeshadow cream because it goes on like a stain and lasts all day. You need to try the eyeshadow primer by Elf, which you can grab for a dollar at Target.
  
  
• Nails: My search for cruelty-free lead me to my two favorite kinds of nail polish! Remember Wet n Wild, from when you were little? It turns out their nail polish lasts a really long time without chipping, costs a buck or two, and doesn't test on animals!
  I also like Julep, although their bottles are very tiny. They have really pretty colors.
  
  
• Lips: I'm completely obsessed with lip gloss. Right now my favorites are this chocolate lavender balm by Dagoba/Eco Lips and anything by Alaffia. Una Biologicals is a Pittsburgh-based line with lots of wonderful stuff, especially their smooth and glossy Chocolicious lip balm with a hit of mint. I wear Lip Smacker every day too. I used to like the little round EOS pods, but I'm sad to learn that they test on animals so that they can sell their products in China. Shame on them.

 

One more note: Brands change their stance on animal testing all the time. Lots of products I used to use in high school now test on animals, and some brands I used to boycott are now cruelty-free. It's a good idea to scan products with the Cruelty Cutter app for the latest info, even if I've suggested them in this blog.

I've purposely posted photos that aren't too hard to look at. If you do your research, you'll see examples of HORRIFIC torture on animals. Please join me and go cruelty-free! It's easy! 

How I Grocery Shop When I'm Sad vs. How I Grocery Shop When I'm Happy. See Also: Leaving on a High Note

How I Grocery Shop When I'm Sad:

(It might go something like this.)

Where do they hide the boxes of bread crumbs? Ugh. I just want to get out of here. People walk too slow. Why are there so many PEOPLE?! And look, every register has a line. Geez. Dummies, everywhere! I don't even want this stupid food! ARGHH!

How I Grocery Shop When I'm Happy:

(This happened today.)

Mmm, look at these beautiful lemons! They smell so good, too! I'm going to buy some. I wonder what recipes have lemons in them. I'm going to start cooking more. That sounds really nice. I want to try one of these over here! Mmmm!

…

What I mean to say is, when I'm sad, the world seems too irritating to endure. Every exhausting timesuck--lines, traffic, plaque buildup, dirty laundry, soap scum, dust, work, meetings, car repairs, other human beings. It's all such a drain.

But when I'm happy, the world is bright and exciting. There are new things to see, limitless experiences to have, and I actually like other humans. Instead of feeling like, "Why is this happening to me?" I feel like, "I get to do this!"

Right now I'm very happy, because I am in love, and also because I quit my job.

I think I quit it just in time, because I've been burning out for a while. It recently hit me that while 70% of my work is my dream job, I am no longer able to tolerate the remaining 30% and remain a happy person.

I become a dick.

I walk around my workplace hoping that no one will share their ideas with me. I hope that I will be excused from meetings. I hope events will be cancelled. I hole up in my office. I get easily frustrated. I try to go unnoticed. Mostly, I rush around, because I want to finish my work and be done with it, but everyone else gets in my way.

But since I submitted my resignation and two weeks notice, I've been reminded of some of the things that helped me love my job for over a decade. Those "things" are mostly people, which is interesting since I get to work with animals.

Today was one of my final days at my job, and I was stunned by all the kindness I received, and from unexpected sources. I got sweet emails, heartfelt hugs, cards, tokens of friendship and even baked goods.

Before long, I felt like I was walking on air. I was so happy--I could smell the sweetness in every lemon, to go back to my grocery store example.  Suddenly, faced with the realization that I had no reason to ever see these people again, I wanted to hear everything they had to say. I wanted them to tell me their stories. I wanted to remember them. I suddenly felt like I had all the time in the world to sit with the people I've been lucky enough to meet.

It's all so sweet, it makes me wish I hadn't resigned.

But if I hadn't quit, I'd be a different person this week. I'd be rushing around. I'd be impatient. I'd be a bit of a dick.

So I'm going to take all of these happy feelings and leave my job on a high note. I'm so happy that I met so many amazing people, and got to be a part of so many truly cool projects.

And I'm glad I'm leaving before I got too jaded and mean and see it that way.

I'm out! 

How to Introduce Your New Dog to Your Cranky Cat

(I wrote this article for Animal Friends' blog, but I'll put it here, too!)

............

How to Introduce a New Dog to Your Cranky Cat
By Me. 

I never thought my cat would let me have a dog.

My cat, Firefly, is 14 years old, suffers from irritable bowel, and hates everyone

but me.

Firefly: trying to flip you the bird.

And I love that cat so flippin’ much. She showed up as a stray kitten when I was in college. Firefly stayed by my side (or in my lap) in my first threadbare apartment, through some major life traumas, and she outlasted (shut up) several boyfriends. And in a way, the fact that she hates everyone but me makes our bond all the more sweet. She is my ever-loyal, doting little darling.

Firefly: "Let's get this over with."

Even though I dreamed of bringing home a dog, I never wanted to upset Firefly’s delicate routine. Some of my friends at Animal Friends assured me that Firefly would “get over it” if I adopted a dog, but I adored my cat too much to subject her to the bother.

Then I met Porter.

That was Porter the day I discovered him in his kennel. He had lived with another dog who, a week earlier, was senselessly beaten to death with a metal rod. You can see how frightened and sick Porter was when this picture was taken, but you can't see that his tail, which he was sitting on, was attempting a forlorn wag.

It turns out that Porter tested positive for heartworm, a serious and potentially fatal disease. He had several weeks of intense treatment ahead of him and he needed a safe place to recover.

My heart broke for him. I offered to foster Porter in my home.

Initially, I agreed to take in Porter for one month. I did not expect Firefly to adjust well to having a dog. In fact, I thought she might present a dealbreaker, and I'd have to sheepishly end my foster period at the adamant behest of my cat.

But to my surprise, having a foster dog made my feisty cat friendlier! In fact, after one month with a foster Beagle, Firefly became more confident and is friendlier with strangers. Now, I’m basking in the joys of having a multi-species household. I couldn’t be happier. And Porter is now a “foster failure”—a permanent member of our little family.

Here are some of the steps that can help a cranky cat adapt to a new dog.

Pick the Right Dog

Not every dog will be able to safely live with cats. So, go to a shelter like Animal Friends that will cat-test a dog before you take him home. They might even be able to introduce you to a dog who has experience living with cats!

Choose a dog who’s calm, doesn’t have a strong reaction to cats, and who responds well to correction.

When I met Porter, I introduced him to both a shelter cat and a rabbit while he was securely leashed and under my control. Both times, he acknowledged them, backed off slightly, and calmly resumed minding his own business. What a good boy! While that didn’t mean I should let him loose in my house, I felt comfortable that I could introduce him to Firefly without putting her in danger.

Always introduce a dog and cat slowly, while your dog is firmly under your control, and where your cat has access to an escape route if needed. 

Establish Separate Spaces

Your cat is going to feel very vulnerable at first, so make sure she has a dog-free zone. Firefly spends most of her time in my bedroom, so from Day 1, I taught Porter that my bedroom is off-limits to him. Firefly can always go there to get away from him.

Have a dedicated place to put your dog. Porter has his very own bedroom in my house. If you don’t have an extra room, consider crate training. Porter gets shut in his room with something to keep him occupied (a Kong or compressed rawhide) when Firefly eats or wants to cuddle with me.

See: Adorable, comfortable Beagle and compressed rawhide

Always crate or confine your dog when you’re not home, so the dog and cat are never together unsupervised. This way, they can’t get into any scuffles.

Establish a Pecking Order That Favors the Weaker Pet

Lots of pet owners report that their cat is the boss of their dog. This is okay, because a pushy dog could seriously hurt a cat.

Firefly established herself as the queen of the household, and I reinforced that hierarchy. I never scolded her for hissing at the dog. Instead, I taught Porter to leave Firefly alone when she hissed at him. It’s okay for your dog to be intimated by your cat; otherwise he could accidentally hurt her. 

Share Your Affection

Spread the love! When Porter moved in, I was tempted to dote on him endlessly. I wanted to spend all my time adoring him. I mean, look how irresistible he is!

But Firefly definitely appreciates it when I carve out alone time for us girls. As I type this, Porter is freshly fed and walked and sleeping happily in his bedroom. Firefly is curled up in my lap, purring. For a Pet Person like me, this is Heaven.

Be Cautious, but Project Calm Confidence

Dogs and cats respond to our signals. So, even though I was constantly policing their behavior, my household mantra was “You’re okay.”

Don’t act like you need to rescue your cat from your dog, or she’ll perceive that she’s in danger. In fact, don’t act like anything out of the ordinary is going on. Tell the dog and cat “You’re okay!” and let them see that they’re overreacting for nothing.

Celebrate Small Successes

Don’t expect your dog and cat to become best friends—and don’t push it! They may start to cuddle and play together, or they may remain stoic roommates for life. This is fine.

Call it a success when your cat greets you and your dog at the door, instead of bolting at the sight of your dog. Celebrate the day that your cat climbs onto the couch with you while your dog naps at your feet.

Firefly: "Tell me I'm still your favorite. Say it!!"

Your cranky cat may even do what mine did. Firefly surprised the heck out of me when she started coming out and greeting guests in my home! She used to cower and hide when my friends came over, but now, it seems like Firefly will actually compete with Porter for attention. For the first time in all her 14 years, she’s joining parties and mingling! I’m so happy for her.

As millions of pet owners know, a multi-species household can bring so much love and laughter into your life. And just imagine how many animals could be spared senseless euthanasia if more families would just adopt another pet.

It may take time, but AnimalFriends can help you add another animal to your home. Just go slowly, and good luck!

Take two Beagles and call me in the morning

This...is Porter.   (meant to be read with awe and wonderment.)

omg

When you work around animals, everyone always asks, "How do you not want to adopt them all?" And I explain that you go through this phase, in the beginning, when you think Fate personally picked out each and every animal just for you, and you weep every time one of them finds a home without you.

But then, as the years go by, you make peace with the fact that you play a temporary role in the animals' lives. Or, maybe it's a form of self-preservation when all of the animals actually start to blend together, a little.

But then, suddenly, one animal will come along out of the blue and break your whole heart.

case in point.

That was Porter the day I discovered him in his kennel. He had lived with another dog who, a week earlier, was senselessly beaten to death with a metal rod. You can see how frightened and sick Porter was when this picture was taken, but you can't see that his tail, which he was sitting on, was attempting a forlorn wag.

It turns out that Porter tested positive for heartworm, a serious and potentially fatal disease. This means he has several weeks of intense treatment ahead of him and he needs a safe place to help him remain as sedate as possible. This is perfect timing for me, because I am treating myself for heartache, and I need a safe presence to help me remain as sedate as possible.

So now, officially, Porter is my Office Foster Dog! He lives and eats and naps with me while I work.

It is amazing.

here. hold this.

There are so many good things about having a Beagle sleep behind you while you work. First of all, it makes me close my office door, which keeps me from wandering down the hall to to complain about the phone call I don't want to return or to compliment my co-workers' cute shoes. In other words, it's quiet and I focus. Also, Porter makes these little sleepy moaning noises that soften my cold, black heart, and make me want to be kind to everyone. And he certainly puts deadlines and other drudgery into perspective: animals, like Porter's own brother, are sometimes beaten to death. We have a lot of work to do.

snore, snuk, zzzzz

I like to think that the Office Foster arrangement has been good for Porter, too. I made this little collage to show his progress from:

- Terrified
to
- Still hating me, but tolerating me a little
- Starting to think I am a-ok
to, finally
- Cheerfully asking me if I need his help with anything

He's blossoming! Just look at his sweet, trusting face!

In time, I might be able to start fostering Porter at home, too (!!) but right now he needs to stay close to the shelter for treatment and care. I might even be able to adopt him...

I feel unbelievably lucky that Porter came into my life when I needed a dose of love, motivation and perspective. I think I need to take care of somebody else right now.

The only puzzle I have no idea how to sort out is this one:

she sparkles (even if only to me)

My adorable, beloved, crankypants CAT! She hates dogs! What am I going to do? I can't make her live with one, can I? After 13 devoted years together, my cat is definitely entitled to have some input in this household.

I'm not sure what will happen, but it will take about two months to treat the heartworm and release Porter for adoption, so for now, Porter and I can mend our hearts together.

mwah!